This morning as I was showering (yes, I think of lots of cool things in the shower*), I was pondering why women tend to be incredibly judgmental of one another. I believe it’s because we are programmed by society to be “perfect” (perfectly pretty, perfectly fit, perfectly spiritual, perfectly maternal, etc.). When we see something in ourselves we don’t like, it’s easier to focus on the perceived weaknesses of others than to deal with our own issues and insecurities.
There was a time in my life when I was very judgmental of others, which judgments were subjectively framed by religion. I don’t blame religion for my thoughts; however, it did form the framework around which I viewed the world. The truth of the matter is that religion had nothing to do with it. (Well, maybe it did but that’s a different topic of discussion and is tied into my idea above that perfection is an expectation). The fact is, I was deeply unhappy for many reasons and judging others was a distraction from my personal misery.
When we are unhappy, we look outward because it’s too painful to look inward. When we do take a peek inside, we see someone lacking, someone not good enough, someone who doesn’t have it together. We don’t measure up to the ideal of someone we admire. We wish we could be different or be someone else. What we fail to acknowledge or recognize is that the someone we admire is just as insecure as us. Maybe about different things or in different ways but she doesn’t necessarily have it all together either.
One of my favorite sayings, most often attributed to Ian Maclaran, is “Everyone you meet is fighting a battle you know nothing about. Be kind. Always.” This includes being nice to yourself.
What can you do to overcome the urge to judge, especially the urge to judge yourself?
You can start by asking, “Where is this coming from?” And then, make a commitment to do something about it. Maybe you have goals you’ve been putting off because you think you don’t have time due to work or family demands. Perhaps you’re afraid of feeling like a failure if you try something new and it doesn’t work out the way you expected. No matter the reasons, if you truly desire to change, you can.
Intention is the first step towards success!
Are you ready to commit to judging yourself less and loving yourself more? If so, I want to hear from you! Click HERE or email me at email@example.com
*Thank you, @LucasReilly1, for your informative post http://mentalfloss.com/article/52586/why-do-our-best-ideas-come-us-shower